


Don’t Say Yes, Run Away Now

by nothingwithoutyouxo



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24264481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingwithoutyouxo/pseuds/nothingwithoutyouxo
Summary: There was only one thing that could bring the losers back to Derry: Bill Denbrough’s wedding.(Or, that time Stan crashed a wedding without planning to.)
Relationships: Beverly Marsh & Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 56





	Don’t Say Yes, Run Away Now

**Author's Note:**

> So I was listening to my Taylor Swift playlist and Speak Now came on, then this idea happened. They're all about 25 here, and we're throwing the canon timeline to the wind entirely. I hope y'all like it!

There was only one thing that could bring the losers back to Derry: Bill Denbrough’s wedding. Invitations had been sent out months ago, neat white and blue paper with _'Bill Denbrough & Audra Phillips'_ marked in black cursive. Stan had felt sick as soon as he’d received it, but he’d agreed to go. All of them had. 

Being back in Derry was as weird as Stan thought it would be. There were too many memories soaked into the asphalt of these streets, and yet he couldn’t help but feel like he had outgrown them all. This town was too big for him now. He hated being back here. The way Beverly immediately threw her arms around him the second he’d jumped out of his car helped. Somehow they’d agreed to meet at Richie’s parents’ house, and Stan could hear one of Richie’s many voices teasing out his childhood nicknames as he clutched Beverly back. There was a lot in this one hug, not just ‘I missed you’ but also ‘I’m sorry’, because Beverly knew. She knew everything.

It had been about a year since they’d all seen each other. They were all busy with their adult lives and moulding their schedules around their friend group became more and more difficult over time. What it resulted in was everyone talking over each other as they tried to catch up on everything they’d missed. Stan was the last of them to arrive, he realised as Beverly pulled away, his eyes scanning the Tozier’s front lawn and taking note of the rest of his best friends. 

Eddie was pulling him into a hug next, muttering something about one of Richie’s jokes that Stan hadn’t managed to catch. Then Richie was dragging Eddie off and demanding his own turn. It was just ridiculous enough to make Stan smile, which had definitely been his point. Ben showed off by lifting Stan off the ground as he hugged him, and Mike was as steady as he’d always been. Then there was Bill, who Stan had barely cast a glance at aside from confirming that he was there. 

Stan wasn’t sure if he was ready to face this yet. The last time they’d seen each other, Bill and Audra had just started dating. Richie had teased him about it mercessily, intent on the fact that it wouldn’t last. Now the two of them were getting married. Stan’s chest felt tight. Bill would be the first of them to get married, though he knew that Eddie had been planning a proposal for the past three months. _It’s just not the right time yet_ , he’d explained to Stan over the phone a few weeks ago. _We have to get through this wedding first_. 

Of course Bill would be the first of them to get married. It made sense, though Stan could never explain why. He was standing in front of Stan now, his former conversation with Mike and Ben seemingly over. Stan swallowed because seeing him was always so much worse than if they were just texting. The crappy audio quality of Bill’s laptop mic during video calls was a lot easier to deal with than his real voice. 

“Hey,” he said.

Stan needed to hug him, even if it couldn’t mean anything. Bill let him, hugging him back, and Stan wondered if he’d ever been able to _feel_ any of this. “You’re getting married,” he muttered, resting his chin against Bill’s shoulder.

If Bill noticed the shake in Stan’s voice he didn’t point it out. “Yeah,” he replied, and didn’t elaborate. 

“That’s exciting,” Stan forced, as Bill pulled away, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans instead. 

He was smiling, not as bright as Stan had seen him do before, but it was there. Maybe he was nervous. If Bill was _happy_ then Stan could deal with all of this. He just had to know that much. “It’s terrifying,” Bill said, and then laughed.

Stan laughed too, and felt Beverly fall into place next to him. Good, he needed her to keep him steady. Richie was slapping an arm around Bill’s shoulders, saying something about his bachelor party.

Beverly placed a hand against the back of Stan’s shoulder, and he was finally able to take a breath. 

***

Richie’s arm was looped around Stan’s shoulders, Eddie was on Richie’s other side and between the two of them they were just managing to get Richie to Eddie’s car. His feet were barely under him and they were holding far much more of Richie’s weight than he probably noticed. Of course Richie had been the one to drink the most out of all of them. He was talking about something mostly unintelligible at this stage, Eddie having to bite back a smile because he understood every word. 

Bill’s bachelor party hadn’t been too much. He mentioned at some point that he’d planned it that way, and Richie had said he was offended on a moral level that there were no strippers, causing Eddie to bat him in the shoulder. It was the closest the two of them got to bickering all night. Stan would say that was a record for them, but they didn’t argue as much as they had when they were kids. Petty fights here and there, but not the constant barrage it had been. It was almost reassuring. 

Eddie had to carefully untangle himself from Richie’s grip so he could unlock his car, leaving Stan with the entirety of Richie’s weight.

“Stanley!” he said, voice even louder than usual. He drew out Stan’s full name, as if attempting one of his voices, but not quite managing it. “Big Bill’s getting married.”

He rolled his eyes.

“In two days.”

Two days, because Bill was smart enough to know what would happen if his bachelor party was the night before his wedding. Stan nodded, reaching over to Richie to hold him steady because he was starting to crumble under the weight of the alcohol. 

“Remember when you were in love with him.” Richie hadn’t meant anything by it, his tone was light with laughter and Stan could see that he was pretty far gone at this point. They’d been reminiscing all night, he shouldn’t have been surprised that Richie’s mind would latch onto that.

Stan swallowed, his eyes sliding to Eddie, whose jaw was tight. Stan guessed he should be grateful that none of the others were around. Wait, were they? 

“Rich,” Eddie warned, because Richie was still talking, Stan just couldn’t hear him anymore. “Time to get you home.”

As Eddie managed to wrangle Richie into the passenger seat of his car (amongst a million protests of _Eddie Spaghetti_ and Richie kissing his cheek at one point) Stan glanced around the mostly empty parking lot of the bar they’d ended up at. He could see the rest of the losers still gathered out front. Ben had an arm around Beverly, pressing her gently against his side. Mike had a hand on Bill’s shoulder and the four of them were laughing about something.

“Hey,” Eddie said, grabbing Stan’s attention. 

“You don’t have to apologise for him,” Stan muttered, because he knew that was what Eddie was about to do.

He nodded. “Thanks for helping. They wouldn’t have heard anything.”

“He’s right,” Stan shrugged. “I - was.”

Eddie pressed a hand against his shoulder, squeezing lightly. He looked like he was about to say something but they were interrupted by an incredibly drawn out “Edddddssssss,” which meant Richie had managed to wind down the car window. 

He rolled his eyes, unable to stop the smile from spreading across his face, an explicable fondness radiating from him. Eddie tapped Stan's shoulder again and then let go. 

“Go on, loverboy,” Stan teased, smiling. 

“Shut up. I’ll see you at the church.”

Stan made his way back to the others, just as everyone else was saying their goodbyes. He let Mike wrap him up in a hug, and didn’t even register that Bill headed off without one. Beverly nudged his side gently, bringing Stan right back down to earth. 

“You ok?” she asked, the way her eyebrows were pulled together meant that she already knew the answer. 

Stan didn’t have the energy to lie to her right now, the night starting to catch up to him all at once. He shrugged.

“What did Richie say?”

He smiled, always impressed with her ability to just _know_ things. “Nothing that he meant,” he replied. 

“You wanna hang with us for a bit?” Ben asked, and maybe Beverly’s ability had rubbed off on him too. He must have known that Stan didn’t want to be alone. 

Stan looked between the two of them, as if that glance alone was enough to say he was worried about imposing. Beverly pulled away from Ben and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s head home, drink some more and try to build a puzzle.”

***

Stan didn’t need to ask to know that Bill’s parents had done a lot of the wedding planning, particularly his mother. There was no other reason for the wedding to be in Derry. Bill didn’t live here anymore and it wasn’t like Audra would have made this decision. If they’d had any say in things, the wedding would have been in LA. Stan didn’t know if that was better or worse. He was trying not to feel _bitter_ as he walked down the street towards the tiny white church. The air was crisp around him, which was only making him more aware of just how hot he felt. His palms were sweaty, and he hated it. 

Beverly was already reaching out for him as he crossed the lawn to reach the others. He practically fell against her. He felt a hand pat his back, most likely Ben, and wished he could be as steady as he usually was. 

Stan pulled away from Beverly, glancing up at the white church, the black iron cross staring down at him. 

“Not as cool as our synagog,” Richie said, trying to lighten the mood. “Remember when you stormed out of your bar mitzvah.”

The memory was enough to make Stan smile, and that helped just a little. Richie launched into the story, even though they’d all heard it a million times, and it was enough to keep Stan sane until the five of them made their way into the church. 

Stan couldn’t express what he was feeling. An awful sense of dread, mostly, because he had to live through this moment and there was nothing he could do about it. He’d thought about telling Bill how he felt. Stan almost had two nights ago at his bachelor party, but that would be stupid. It was far too late for any of that now. He couldn’t ruin this for Bill. 

Bill was standing down the end of the aisle, off to the side with Eddie and a significantly grown up Georgie. The three of them were far enough away that Stan couldn’t make out what they were saying to each other. He couldn’t help but think that Bill looked _nervous_ as Georgie straightened his tie for him. Stan guessed he would be nervous too, if he were about to get married. 

He felt a hand clasp around his, and turned to see Beverly’s eyes on him. “You should stop looking,” she said quietly. “You’re making this worse for yourself.”

“Why did I come?” he asked her, because it felt like this was a horrible idea. 

She squeezed his hand. “Because you love him.” 

That was the problem, wasn’t it? Stan felt a hand on his shoulder. Richie, on his other side. Richie looked like he understood, somehow. If the places were switched, if Eddie was the groom instead of Bill’s best man, maybe he really could. Stan took a deep breath. He was glad they were here. There was no way he’d be able to sit through this without an anchor, or four. 

Stan wondered if any of them had really processed this as Bill moved into place at the end of the aisle and the room fell to a hushed silence. One of their own was getting married. This had to be a bigger deal than it seemed. Stan felt Beverly squeeze his hand again as the two bridesmaids made their way down the aisle in pastel blue dresses. It was a nice colour, Stan thought to himself. He bet Bill’s mum picked it so her son’s tie would match his eyes. 

There was a strange energy to the room as Audra started making her way down the aisle. Richie pressed his foot against Stan’s as if he could feel it too. It wasn’t entirely quiet, there were mutters of ‘oh her dress’ and ‘she looks so lovely’. Stan didn’t even register her dress, his eyes locking onto Bill again instead. The reaction of the groom was a _thing_ at weddings, he knew that much. Bill was smiling softly, his hands clasped in front of him. He looked almost awkward, slightly out of place in a way that he never did. Bill fit in everywhere. Stan wondered briefly if he really _was_ happy. 

He’d have to be. 

Right?

It felt like forever until Audra reached the end of the aisle. Weddings didn’t take long. This was a reassurance Mike had offered him two nights ago in a quiet moment. _You just have to make it through 15 minutes._ It felt like it had been 15 hours and it hadn’t even started yet. Stan locked his fingers between Beverly’s, needing the extra support. 

The words were too slow, this was taking too much from him. _Dearly beloved, etc, etc, etc._ Stan wanted to burst. Why had he come again? For Bill? What would Bill have done if he _hadn’t_ come? Whatever that was couldn’t have been as bad as he felt right now in this moment. 

A question broke through the haze of Stan’s mind. “If anyone here has any objections to this union, speak now or forever hold your piece.”

The room was silent again, it had been since Audra had reached her almost-husband. The pause was truly for tradition, it didn’t have a purpose. It was for politeness really. Stan’s fingers trailed away from Beverly’s and before he registered what he was doing he realised that he’d stood up. Gasps fell across the tiny church. He was sure that everyone was looking up at him, horrified. Stan couldn’t look away from Bill. He felt Beverly’s fingers twist into the hem of his suit jacket, keeping him steady. 

He hadn’t thought this far ahead, if he’d even thought about this at all. He hadn’t planned on crashing Bill’s wedding. He would be there, he would be quiet, and he would leave Derry again afterwards with lead weighing down his chest. Stan wouldn’t tell him. 

_Speak now or forever hold your piece_. Maybe he couldn’t hold it after all. 

Stan had no idea what to say. He wasn’t sure how long it had been, but it must have only been a few seconds, because Bill’s eyes were just meeting his and Stan couldn’t make anything out in his expression, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He just needed to leave this part of himself on the floor of this stupid little church, and Bill could do whatever he wanted with it. Crush it if he needed to.

“Bill,” he muttered, voice strained, and there were more gasps in the room. It was almost funny. “ _I_ don’t want you to do this,” he managed. Stan put as much emphasis on the ‘I’ as he could. It was him, all him. He was the one with the feelings, he would be the wedding crasher, or the homewrecker. Whatever it was that saying this now made him. He’d take that responsibility. “I know I can’t stop you, but I need you to know that.”

The room had broken out into whispers now, and the sound of it made him uneasy. Stan didn’t want anyone in the room to know this much about him. Not in this town. Suddenly, he couldn’t look at Bill anymore. Instead, his eyes slid over to Eddie, who gave him a smile and a small thumbs up. He looked relieved that Stan had managed to say what he did. Of course Eddie would understand.

Five anchors, Stan corrected himself. He had five anchors and that would be enough. 

His eyes were drawn to Bill again, who was reaching up to loosen his tie, as if he needed more air. 

Stan couldn’t breathe either. He hadn’t said anything else, that seemed like all he was supposed to say. What did he do now? Sit back down? Take hold of Beverly’s hand again and wait this out? 

Bill was reaching for Audra’s hands now. He looked frazzled, shaky in a way that Bill never did. Audra’s hands met his and for the first time, Stan really saw her. She was smiling, not at all angry or upset like he expected her to be. He’d just ruined her wedding, why was she smiling?

“You don’t have to say anything,” she said to Bill, in an incredibly steady voice considering the circumstances. She squeezed his hands gently, her smile only growing. “Just go.”

Bill leaned in and kissed her cheek, and then he was darting back down the aisle to the end of the church. 

The church broke out into chaos. Whispers only got louder as everyone registered what was happening. Stan felt rooted to the spot. Beside him, Ben and Mike were moving out of the way so that Beverly could push him towards the aisle. 

“Follow him,” she said, her voice the breathless whisper that he’d expected Audra’s to be. 

Mike clapped him on the back as he passed and Stan could distinctly hear Richie’s voice calling “Go, Stanley, go!”

Stan made it out of the church, eyes frantically scanning for Bill. He was around the corner, a shoulder pressed against the wall as if he needed the support but he straightened as Stan approached. 

“We have about a minute until my mum comes out here,” Bill said. Which meant _I want to talk about this, but we can’t do it here._

“Clubhouse,” the two of them said at the same time, and Bill laughed. It was perfect, the only people who knew where the clubhouse was were the other losers. They were undiscoverable there. 

“Where’s your car?” Bill asked, checking his watch absently. 

Stan pointed over his shoulder. “Down the street. There was no parking. Too many people love you.”

The last part was a joke, but his voice cracked at the wrong moment and Stan realised he could cry about this if he thought about it for more than a second. 

Bill shook his head. “Audra invited a lot of people,” he muttered, and then he was grabbing Stan’s hand and leading him in the direction of his car. 

***

As Stan dropped down the ladder into the Clubhouse it really started to sink in. Stan had indirectly told Bill how he felt. And Bill had left his wedding. For him. At least … it might have been for him? Stan had no way of knowing unless he asked, and he couldn’t get his voice to work yet. 

He glanced over at Bill, who was in the process of taking off his suit jacket. On the drive over he’d undone his tie and the top few buttons of his shirt and just the sight of it was enough for Stan to almost fall over. Yes, the tie matched his eyes but it definitely looked better undone. 

Bill ran his hands through his hair and Stan could tell it was starting to sink in for him too. He started pacing back and forth across the space. Stan didn’t know what to say. He found the battered couch that Ben, Mike and Richie had somehow managed to wrestle in here years ago and collapsed into it. His breathing was leveling out again, the shock slowly starting to wear down. 

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing he said to break the silence. 

“What?” Bill stopped pacing and looked over at him. 

It didn’t feel enough. “Your wedding -” he couldn’t finish his sentence, instead Stan just held his hands out as if that was an answer. 

Bill shook his head and made his way over to him, taking a seat next to Stan on the couch. “Stan, I didn’t want to get married.”

He didn’t even know how to process that. His first thought was too selfish: _why would Bill make any of them go through this if it wasn’t even what he wanted?_

“It’s - complicated,” Bill muttered as explanation, a hint of old stutter returning to show just how strained this was. 

Stan swallowed. It wasn’t that he was out of questions, but he had too many and he wasn’t sure where to start. Bill reached for his hands and Stan let him take them. _Six anchors._

He wasn’t sure if Bill knew what he wanted to say either. He was staring down at their hands now, his brow furrowed. Bill rubbed his thumb over Stan’s knuckles absently, as if that would help his thoughts line up. Stan wondered if it did because it just gave him chills. 

“I should have thought more about you,” Bill said finally, breaking the silence in the dusty room. “Stan, I just almost put you through -”

“Don’t worry about me,” he cut in. “Bill, why would you put yourself through a wedding you didn’t want?”

He shook his head. “No, it’s not like that.”

Stan didn’t have time to ask for clarification. There were voices getting closer, which meant the other losers were approaching. Richie dropped down first, followed by Eddie, the two of them mid conversation with each other. After Beverly made her way down Stan pulled away from Bill. They’d brought Audra with them. She wasn’t wearing her wedding dress anymore, just a simple sweater and jeans. 

Bill stood as soon as he saw her and Stan was starting to feel uneasy. She crossed the room towards him immediately, not even hesitating before throwing her arms around him. Stan didn’t understand any of it. They clearly loved each other. It was there in the way Bill’s arms looped easily around her, and how Audra pressed up on her toes just enough that she could bury her head against his shoulder, the practiced intimacy of a couple who’d held each other a million times before. 

“Are you ok?” she asked him, in a quiet voice. 

Stan wanted to look away. Beverly dropped next to him on the couch, leaning into his side. 

Bill nodded in response to her question. “Have you called Patty yet?” he asked. 

None of this made sense. Audra fit with Bill, the two of them worked. She fit with Bill the way Beverly had their freshman year of high school. The way that everyone fit with Bill. And Stan had just ruined it. He found Beverly’s hand again, and she locked her fingers through his. 

Audra pulled away, and shook her head. “I haven’t thought about that yet,” she said. 

Bill smiled at her, and it was so fond that Stan had to look away this time. His eyes darted around the room, almost like a headcount to make sure everyone else was here. They were. 

“Audra, we’re officially over, so you can do whatever you want.” There was a lot of weight to statement, Bill drawing out every word just a little too long, and none of the sadness that something like that would usually hold. 

Stan looked up again to see Audra’s hand coming to cover her mouth. There were tears in her eyes, but she didn’t seem upset. She pulled Bill into another hug and he laughed.

“You should call her now.”

Audra kissed his cheek as she pulled away, and then she was making her way across to Stan. 

Before he had time to react she had her arms around him. Stan didn’t know what to do. He let go of Beverly’s hand and hugged her back. 

“Thank you,” she muttered, and Stan couldn’t clock why she sounded so _relieved_. Or what she needed to thank him for. Not really.

Audra was already pulling her phone out of her pocket, making her way back to the clubhouse ladder. Bill sat back down next to Stan, cautiously reaching for his hand again. 

“I don’t understand what’s happening,” Stan said. 

He paused, his hand moving back to his lap. Bill’s eyes scanned the room, landing on each of the others. Stan realised he wasn’t the only one that needed his anchors. “It was for her career,” he explained. “Mostly.”

Before Stan could think of anything to say to that, Bill kept talking.

“It was for both of our careers. Like I said it’s -”

“Complicated,” Stan cut in.

He nodded. One of his hands flinched in his lap, as if he was about to reach out again but decided against it.

“Maybe we should leave you two to talk this out,” Mike spoke up, already halfway to the ladder. 

It was a general rule amongst the losers that Mike was often right when it came to these things, so the rest of them slowly left. Beverly mentioned something about making sure that Audra found her way back to Derry, which seemed to help with Bill’s unease of the situation. Soon enough, the two of them were alone again.

Bill turned so that he could properly face Stan, resting his hands between the two of them. He took a deep breath. “What I meant to say before is I should have let myself think about you more because if I did we wouldn’t be here right now,” he said, a little steadier this time. 

Stan turned as well, shifting just a little closer so he could brush his fingers against Bill’s, the contact just enough to keep him sane for now. “You didn’t want to get married,” he muttered, trying to figure this all out, “but the two of you seem to work together.”

He nodded. “We work but it’s not like that. We love each other but … not the way you would if you were about to marry someone.”

“Right.” It was drawn out, like Stan still didn’t quite believe him. 

“I know it sounds stupid,” Bill said, “but I didn’t stop long enough to think I had a chance with -” he broke off, sucking in a breath. He brushed his fingers over Stan’s.

“Me?” Stan asked, suddenly unsteady again. 

He swallowed, and nodded, not looking up. 

This was the closest they’d ever gotten to talking about their feelings. It had always remained unsaid, sparking in the space between them and nothing more. “Bill -” he muttered, but he didn’t have the words, not yet.

“I almost told you,” he said. “So many times I could just never actually get it out.”

Stan took his hands, holding tight. “For me it just always felt too late. I thought I’d missed you.”

“No, you couldn’t have.”

“How many times?” he asked.

Bill met his eyes, and he looked nervous again. “Our senior year of high school, graduation, that day everyone was leaving for college, the first night in my dorm, sophomore year. Ok, every year I was at college. Richie’s first gig, Beverly’s birthday three years ago, the last time I saw you. Two days ago.”

Stan wanted to laugh. That pretty much lined up with every time that he’d wanted to tell Bill, even if his side tracked even further back. “Two days ago?” he asked. 

He shrugged. “I don’t drink very often.”

This time Stan _did_ laugh. “I almost told you then too,” he admitted.

“Really?”

Stan nodded. “I talked myself out of it.”

“I wish you hadn’t.”

He squeezed Bill’s hands. “I didn’t this time.”

Bill smiled, and there were tears in his eyes now. He let go of Stan long enough to wipe a hand over his eyes. “I think the shock’s starting to wear off,” he muttered.

Stan was moving before he could register it, wrapping himself around Bill and pulling him into a hug. He sniffled and buried his head against Stan’s shoulder, clutching back just as tight. 

“I don’t hug you enough,” he said, voice slightly muffled by Stan’s shoulder. “Every time I do I know I need to do it more.”

Stan wasn’t sure how to say that he’d always felt the same way. He’d had an intrinsic need to be close to Bill since they were kids, and he’d never been able to shut it off. Not entirely. 

“You saved me,” Bill continued. “I haven’t thanked you for that yet. Stan, thank you for saving me.”

He pulled away, just enough so that he could see Bill’s face, could look into his eyes. He meant it. Of course he did. Stan wasn’t used to being on the other side of this moment. His whole life it had been Bill saving them all, in a multitude of ways. So many that Stan could never think of them all at once. Bill patching up Eddie’s scraped knees, Bill holding Richie back whenever he was about to fight Bowers again for the millionth time, Bill auditioning for plays with Beverly because she was too nervous, Bill letting Ben talk as long as he wanted to about his poetry without interrupting, Bill biking out to Mike’s farm whenever he needed an extra pair of hands. All throughout his life there’d just been Bill looking out for them, and helping them, and _saving_ them and the more Stan thought about it the more _overwhelmed_ he was.

There was Bill in the clubhouse after school, or by Stan’s side on weekends when he went bird watching. There was Bill at the arcade and the cinema and biking down the streets, and no wonder Derry was so hard to come back to because Bill was everywhere in this town. And Stan thought he was about to lose him. 

“Stan?” 

Stan’s eyes snapped to his, and Bill was still here, right in front of him, looking at him with worried eyes. His thumb brushed Stan’s cheek and he realised that Bill was wiping away a tear. He shouldn’t have been surprised, he was probably due for another cry about this. “I’m not sad,” he said, and he could tell that Bill didn’t quite believe him.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

Stan nodded. “I’m just thinking.” 

Bill’s hand was still resting against his cheek, and Stan brought his own hand up, to keep Bill’s there. This was contact he wouldn’t have allowed himself otherwise. “About what?” 

_You, always you_. Stan swallowed, shifting just a little closer to him. Any closer and he would be in Bill’s lap, and maybe that thought was a little distracting. He met Bill’s eyes again. “You don’t need me to save you,” he said.

He shook his head. “Stan, I’ve always needed you.”

Another memory came back to him, a vivid image of the seven of them in the clubhouse. They were about 17 and Richie and Beverly had stolen some shitty beer from a store outside of Derry and brought them back with them. The game of truth or dare had been Richie’s idea because of course it had. He always knew how to use it to his advantage. Bill picked dare, even though he hadn’t been drinking. _Kiss someone you need_. The dare had been followed up by both Richie and Beverly falling into a fit of laughter. 

Stan could remember the careful precision of Bill’s lips on his all too well. They’d never talked about that kiss. He didn’t even know if Bill could remember it. He must have, since he’d been sober. Stan was more than tempted to kiss Bill now, had been since they’d made it back to the clubhouse. “I love you,” he said, not entirely registering the fact that he’d said it out loud. 

Bill’s eyes widened, and Stan could tell he hadn’t expected to hear it. 

He was covering his tracks quickly, apologising because it was clearly too soon to say that. 

“Stan, I just left my wedding for you.”

_For you_ , his brain echoed, enough to almost shut him down entirely. Stan looked at him and all his earnesty, and couldn’t quite stop himself from leaning in. Bill kissed him back, arms falling around him and pulling Stan closer. His mind was a mess, because as much as this is what Stan had always wanted, he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was far too soon for all of this. He pulled away, breath shaking.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. “We shouldn’t - not yet at least.”

Bill nodded, moving his hand from Stan’s cheek to rest against his hip instead.

“You were … supposed to get married today,” he continued, as much as Stan hated the thought. “It doesn’t seem fair."

“You’re right. I don’t want you to feel -” Bill couldn’t finish his sentence, but there were a multitude of words that he could have said. Uncomfortable, used.

Stan smiled faintly. “Your mum is going to kill me.”

He’d expected Bill to laugh, but instead he shook his head, incredibly serious. “I - won’t let her. None of us will.”

“I know.”

Bill’s gaze dropped to Stan’s lips again, but the second he realised it had it returned to his eyes, almost apologetic. 

Stan couldn’t help but laugh. “Have you ever thought about it?” he asked, his tone light.

He nodded. “Especially since truth or dare.”

Before Stan had the chance to process the fact that Bill _definitely_ remembered as much as he did, they were interrupted by the sound of Richie’s voice.

“Are you two done? I wanna see if my records are still under the floorboards.”

Bill’s eyes met his, and Stan could tell he wanted to laugh just as much. “Are we done?” he asked.

Stan shrugged. “Depends what you mean by ‘done.’”

He smiled. “For now, at least?”

The words left Stan with the implication that they had all the time in the world now. Everything had finally shifted in their favour. That alone was enough for him to nod. 

Bill called out to Richie and the others and then leaned back against the couch. Stan watched as Richie immediately scrambled for the right floorboard, just a little loose so that they could stash valuables down there. It was part of Ben’s design, since they all had so many secrets. 

Stan watched as Richie cheered, and started pulling out his old records one by one, handing them to Bev as he did so. He leaned into Bill, who put an arm around him. Eddie dropped onto the couch next to him, looking amused but with a soft fondness that always surrounded him whenever Richie was being himself. Ben was taking the records as Beverly handed them to him, wiping off dirt and grim as Mike said they probably should have protected them a little better. 

He looked up as Bill pressed a cautious kiss into his hair. 

“Too much?” he asked.

Stan shook his head. “Just enough.”

**Author's Note:**

> For clarification, Bill and Audra are both bi they're just in love with other people. I'm over on Tumblr at [stranger-awakening](http://www.stranger-awakening.tumblr.com) if anyone wants to chat!!
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated <3


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